.now where was that Chiseled Chad? Do you want to ask the clerk?"I shook my head and said, "This way."She walked with me and whispered in my ear, "I knew you'd remember rightwhere they were."I reddened and she laughed. We got to the display and it was locked. Wehad to go to the front, wait in line, and ask the clerk to get it. I wasso embarrassed I could hardly talk. Somebody fondled my ass and Isquealed, "Oh," and reached back to swat the hand. The clerk came to myrescue. "What the fuck. She welcomed me with a kiss, rubbed the doctor's goo on both my skin and hers and then curled up with me in her bed. I think we slept for twenty hours and woke sore and hungry on the morning of the 30th. She greased me, and I greased her fading stripes, which I enjoyed more than I told her. At her suggestion, I held snow to my privates off and on, which I did not enjoy at all since it reminded me of how they got that battered and bruised.Now it was New Year's Day, 1777, and I had a good, sore,. Lin would be going to Medical school in the fall.But for now, Lin was coming home for the summer. She would be catching a ride back to town with school friends and promised she'd arrive on Sunday. Katie wanted to plan a welcome back barbecue.So on Saturday, Rachel and Katie went into town. They'd take Katie to her doctor's appointment, just a regular check-up, and then shop around buying supplies for the party.I should have remembered that Lin had a way of coming home sooner than expected.I was. The idea was too horrendous to contemplate.Now I've got to face it head-on.I'm female. No matter what happens to me, that will never change.I will be a woman for the rest of my life.Rest in peace, Rich.Who was I trying to kid? It's one thing resolving to cast off my formeridentity when I've just sunk four shots of vodka, quite another to keepthat promise in the sober light of a new day.I'm a girl.That still shocks me to the core.And now I know I'll always be female.How do I accept that and move.
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